Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
