I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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