I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
