I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
