Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
