There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
