I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
