Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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