Whoa Z and x make the same sound
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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