Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
