I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
