i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
