I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
