Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
