"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Semen is not good for contacts.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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