i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize