I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The adults are the big ones right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
