ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
