if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
