he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
