If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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