The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she looked like the before picture.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
