...so i touched it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
