i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize