First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
