Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
