im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
