At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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