hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Randomize
