wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
