I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
