Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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