you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
