Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
