I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
