Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
