I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
