When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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