he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
