you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
