i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
