I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
