my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
