I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
