Don't make out with my wife yet
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
