There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
