it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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