So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
