Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Two words: blizzard sex
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
