the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
