Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize