we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
