So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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