I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
