please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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