My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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