I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
