Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
