i need an iv and a liver transplant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
