Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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