O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
