Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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