Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
