if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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