I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize