you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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